Understanding your identity takes time and personal reflection. It develops as you think about yourself, get feedback from others, and experience different situations in life.
For many people, this journey begins with small thoughts that later become clear self-recognition. Journalist Emma Flint shared her personal story of discovering her identity as abrosexual. In the 1990s, she struggled to understand her feelings in a society that had little awareness of different identities.
Back then, most people were only aware of a few identities—straight, gay, or lesbian. There were no widely known options beyond these categories. Flint felt confused because she didn’t fit into any of them.
“I grew up feeling lost,” she said. Her identity kept changing, and she had no words to describe it. This confusion followed her for years, leaving her with unanswered questions. She lived through different decades without finding a label that truly matched her experiences.
Everything changed for her in 2020 when she came across an Instagram post by Zoe Stoller, a social media educator who shares information about lesser-known LGBTQ+ identities.
“It was like a light bulb went off,” Flint said. For the first time, she found a term—abrosexual—that perfectly described her experiences.
Abrosexuality is part of the multisexual spectrum, meaning a person’s attraction changes over time. Flint realized that this was not confusion or indecision—it was simply how her identity naturally worked.
Having a label brought her clarity and validation. But at the same time, it also led to challenges. When she shared her identity with a friend, she was met with a negative reaction because the person did not understand what it meant.
Despite some difficulties, Flint found support from other people in her life. Even those who didn’t know about abrosexuality before took the time to learn and understand her identity.
For Flint, the challenges do not define her happiness. Instead, finding the right words for her identity helped her feel more at peace with herself.