Dear Jana,
I’m feeling a little… unsettled. I’m a married woman with two kids, and I thought I was happy. But the other night, I had a very realistic dream about my ex-boyfriend.
We always had strong chemistry, and honestly, I’ve always said he was the best I ever had. Now, I feel a little disappointed about how my married sex life has turned out. It’s not bad with my husband, but it’s definitely not the same. Since the dream, I can’t stop thinking about my ex. It feels like my brain just unlocked feelings I had pushed away to keep my marriage on track.
I even checked his Instagram to see if he’s married (he’s on private), and I drove past his house. I don’t even know why I did it. It’s like I’m trying to find out if he’s still available, even though I know I’m not.
I love my husband, and I don’t actually want to be with my ex. But I can’t shake this feeling that if an opportunity ever came up…
Alright, Miss Anonymous.
We all have those moments of curiosity about an ex. Sometimes, it’s just a memory of a good time, and other times, it’s the thought of running into them when we’re looking our best.
Honestly, I have an ex that crosses my mind now and then too. But there’s a limit to how far we let these thoughts go.
Looking them up on Instagram? Normal. But driving past their house? That’s where things get a little… concerning. Maybe once is okay, but if it happens more than that, it’s a red flag.
What you’re experiencing is selective memory. Your brain is playing a highlight reel of the best moments and cutting out the boring or bad parts. You’re remembering the passion, but not the moments when he ignored your texts, was distant, or made you realize he wasn’t your person.
Marriage isn’t always exciting. Raising kids takes up time and energy. But before getting lost in nostalgic thoughts, remember why your ex is in the past.