Respecting people’s chosen names and pronouns is an important way to acknowledge their identities. However, some still struggle with this, often due to outdated ideas or a lack of awareness about gender diversity.
Bennett Kaspar-Williams, 37, and their husband Malik welcomed their son Hudson in October 2020 through a cesarean section. At the time, Kaspar-Williams identified as male and used he/him pronouns. Today, he identifies as non-binary and uses both he/him and they/them pronouns. Despite this, he faced challenges at the hospital, where nurses repeatedly called him “mother” instead of “father.”
Kaspar-Williams started transitioning in 2014 after realizing in 2011 that he was transgender. While he had top surgery, he chose not to have lower-body procedures. Pregnancy and childbirth were meaningful experiences, but being misgendered during the process made it difficult. He was frustrated that hospital staff did not acknowledge his gender identity.
Even though Kaspar-Williams clearly listed his gender as male on medical forms, the nursing staff continued to misgender him during conversations. This showed how many people still assume that childbirth and gender identity must always be connected.
Kaspar-Williams spoke about his experience with the New York Post, sharing how upsetting it was to be called “mom” despite marking “male” on paperwork. He explained that gender and childbirth should not be tied together and that people should not assume all parents who give birth are mothers.
“No one can ever really know if they can have children until they try—being born with a uterus does not guarantee pregnancy or childbirth,” Kaspar-Williams said. “That’s why it’s important to stop defining ‘womanhood’ by ‘motherhood.’ Not all women become mothers, not all mothers give birth, and not all people who give birth are mothers.”
By separating physical functions from gender identity, Kaspar-Williams’ journey highlights the need for better understanding and respect. His experience is a reminder that medical settings must become more inclusive and considerate of different identities.
As society changes, so should our awareness and sensitivity toward gender diversity. Respecting people’s pronouns and names is a simple yet powerful way to create a more accepting world.