Why do some straight men cheat on their wives with other men? Columnist Jana Hocking has been digging into this topic after some surprising conversations with her social media followers.
Through these chats, she uncovered something unexpected: many men who identify as straight have secretly had intimate experiences with other men, hiding it from their wives or partners.
Hocking’s inbox has been full of confessions from men who’ve shared stories of secret encounters. These stories involve male friends, colleagues, or even strangers, and they remain unknown to their partners.
One man, who seemed to fit the typical “straight guy” image—athletic and gym-focused—casually admitted that he received oral sex from another man during a wedding. He spoke about it without guilt, showing how easily these secrets are kept from their partners.
Curious about how these secrets affect the women involved, Hocking spoke to some who had found out about their partners’ double lives.
For many women, the discovery brought shock, pain, and betrayal. Sophie, a 29-year-old, grew suspicious of her boyfriend Nick after seeing a bank charge from a well-known gay bar.
At first, Nick denied everything. But months later, Sophie found explicit Snapchat messages between him and another man. When she confronted him, he admitted he was experimenting with his sexuality.
For Sophie, it wasn’t just his actions that hurt but the lies that kept her in the dark.
Laura, 35, faced a similar experience after seven years of marriage. While checking flight details on her husband’s laptop, she found an open tab for a gay dating site. He admitted to visiting the site but denied meeting anyone. Still, Laura was left struggling to process the truth.
For most women, the biggest hurt came from the dishonesty, not the acts themselves. One woman said, “The betrayal wasn’t the sex; it was the lying. If he had been honest, I would have understood.”
Hocking also spoke to a therapist who explained that societal pressures force some men to suppress their true feelings, leading to secretive behavior.
Hocking believes a more accepting society could help people embrace their identities without fear of shame or hurting others.